Decession Decessions

Well as I was trying to sleep this morning and tossing and turning; I decided that I need to blog... For alot of reason... Mostly my own. I need to do this everyday to get some things figured out... I really am having a hard time dealing with thing....1. we ended up not be able to do Kieron's room right now, this is my dream to get his room done for him... I need about $1,000 to do it with...so I know me having some kind of income is very important now. I need about $200 to $300 a week, not much, yeah right...
I found a a job that was about 2weeks long, it was suppose to turn into part-time office help a couple of days a week.... But they decided that they didnt need to do that... Oh bummer...
I applied at a couple of other places in town.. but guess what... they dont hire people with degrees around here, scary thought right there... The one job actually hired the office managers best friend, really.. another job around hired a close friend to some one else also... I basicly was handed a job at one of the convience store with the intention of becoming the assitant manager.... I would love to, but with Wills schedule so crazy come spring time, we both dont think its fair to the kids.
I mean he only gets sundays off, and I think family time is very important.... He works half a day on saturdays, so I really dont want to work saturdays at all...
Here is what I decided after working 2 full weeks as the inventory girl, hard work, I learned alot... But here is what I want in a job,,
1. Part-time, like T,W,Th
2. from like 8-3pm
3. for $9.00 an hour or more
4. I wanna work with the public some how
As far as what I wanna do.... I dont know... I really havent figured that out... I loved retail sales... loved it... I think I would love real estate, but that requires going back to school... insurnace.... well that requires you knowing alot of people... right now I dont.. and I dont want to travel! Education would be a great fit...but that would require me to go back to school, which I could...but that mean moeny.

So here is what I know.....I like to work with people, I want something family friendly, I want to be in a fun environment (meaning a company that is close knit, and understand having kids), yes they are out there.... I know that while helping out at Buckely steel, I loved helping Kim with his computer, why I dont know... but being able to help him figure out the CAD program was fun..... It felt great to help him get what he wanted.

Another option... going into business for myself, which I can do, as long as its little start up cost.. yeah know... very little..... Not sure what thought.... I mean what do I love to do, that I can do from home that would earn us money... HMMMMMMMMMM
1. baking, I love to bake... I have alot of people ask me to bring thing.... so thats an option.
2. Im trying daycare, but Im getting nothing.
3. Photography... I love it, but I dont have a good enoug camera and I cant afford one right now... I had one in high school and I spent so much time taking pictures, it was my escape... I wanted a better camera.. but my parnets were not the encourging type and if it wasnt sport, you werent getting it,
4. I could do marketing consultanting
5. Cleaning service
6. yard cleaning mowing/snow removal serice
7. I know a home party thing.. I have tried 3 all ready, but hey why not try again... I know more people now... and Im having requests for my uppercaseliving catalog, so maybe I need to go it again.... I need 2 have a couple big parties a year.... hat would be about $250 a party and so I would make about $750... couple more and I could have kierons room done.... or Christmas.
8. I would love to be an event planner/party planner or something like that.. I would love to get into grant writing... Not for profit would be great... that would require going back to school.

Time fore a pros and cons list... trust me I have run those through my head... hundreds of times...photography or baked goods would be my choice...but HOW!!

So I have laid out my wants in a job... now how easy is that going to be to get??? Its not going to be... in fact I dont see it happening...

I wanna do things... I have decided that life is to short.... After recently learning that a friend of mines brother passed away on sunday... He would have been 40 years old.... I want to be able to take my kids and do things with them.. vacation.. wrestling/football camps, rodeo camps, volleyball, the girls wanna take gymnastics, oh what fun they would have.... but thats an hour drive 1 way every monday.... but I need to have the money to do it.... I would like to go to some of the womens bible retreats, family camp, bible camp for the kids....
I know God hears my prayers, but I wonder why he doesnt answer them... I wonder why he blesses others more than he does me, jelousey yes!!! But it truely makes me wonder, why he makes one family struggle for everything and then hands the other family everything they want??? Boy do I have some issues to work on... I cant believe how childish that sounds... But they are true feelings, feelings that I need to work through...

There are things that we need, we need, not want, these are not wants... we truely need them... and we cant get them....
I will list the thinks that we need.....
1. I need to have dental work, I have 3 cavities that need fixed... they are getting so bad, that Im struggle to eat... maybe the reasoning to not be able to fix these teeth is I need to loss weight, maybe that is how God is answering this prayer... Lossing weight because I cant eat, because I have cavities...
2. We need a new car, or we will be walking to alll our childrens ball games, doctors offie, school function, to work, all over.. we will not be making trips to see the family... If we dont get a new car... then we NEED to find away to fix it... new engine, new tires, new doors, new windshield, new starter, new spark plugs, new fuel pump, new fuel filter, let me see, the list could go on here, but these are things we NEED for this car to stay running.
3. We need to be able to pay our bills
4. we need to be able to put food on the table
5. we need to be able to provide for our children.... CLothing, bday presents, christmas presents, and the basic needs for school... We need this... right now... its not happening.
6. Right now Kieron needs braces, its a $1000 down and $200 a month for 14 moths... where am I suppose to find that money...... THen its on to Rylee and Aubree and they are going to be expensive..... Rylee is going to be oh so scary.

I think that is about it for needs and yes they are all needs... as a Want is a new house, a want is name brand clothing, a want is wanting a new car and yes we want that, but we also need that.. our car is on its last leg...This move was suppose to be for the better... to better us... and while I think he is making for money in the end... we are still struggle day to day month to month....We are a closer family, a happier family with this move.... but the struggles are still there... guess you cant move away from that.....

I pray to God and give all my worries to him.... But If prayers are not being answered.... then I still have my worries, and I still have my concerns and I go back to thinking... WHY.... WHY is he not taking care of his children...It a process ya know... prayer, praise, worship, and then worry... I pray, praise, worship, and I think.... he will answer this time... and then nothing, we get nothing.... So I think worry again and again..... I hold on to it, decided I cant anymore... give it to him once again... and then it starts all over again. I mean I know he doesnt want to answer all my prayers at once.... I mean if he did why would I come back to him.... but he could just asnwer a couple at a time... So that i could have some testamony...

Ok ok... so I have ranted and ranted and wrote my struggles and wrote some deep thinking points this morning.... Im hoping that every morning.. I will have more to go on... But as I sit here... Im thinking that unless a prayer is answered.... there wont be a change to report....

So to all you out there.... pray, praise and worship...