WHY??

God does not put us through anything that he can not get us through... so embrace and walk with him.... though hearing and seeing those words.. I know what I have to do... but I still cant help but wonder WHY!! Why did he choose me, or us for this task..... IS our faith slipping? Is our faith weaker? Are we just easier to give the struggles too then others? Do we embrace the stuggles better? WHY? I wonder why he has choose us for the many tribulation that we have gone, are going through.
I often wonder these things? Maybe one day Ill know the answers... MAYBE!!

SO I these are my thoughts today... not much.. but some... I need to report no my cupcake making..boy was that alot of fun and work... My next step.. to find some manly cupcakes!! Oh and figure out how to make a chocolate disk, and color it.. that should be interesting.

ahhhhhhh

Just when life cant get any busier... You decided.. that having a birthday party means.... redecorating.. Oh yeah... thats right... In order to pull off Aubree's bday party.. Which is movie night theme... I have had to paint the TV room.. Crazy... The stuff we do for our children...

But through this... it has left me thinking...
1. When you have a 2 year old running around.. painting with out anyone around is not a good idea.

2. That a 2 year old brings more laughter to your life, than anythingelse.... and is the one reason why you cant paint.

3. That when you paint and your other children are away.. they come home.... and think they have walked into the wrong house.

4. That red... while it looks good on the sample cards... tryig to get that one the walls.. is a pain... I have had to put 3 coats of red on.. over WHITE.. WHITE... Im painting the red of WHITE paint.. and it is taking 3 coats...

Painting is driving me crazy.. I thought it would be fun.. I thought I liked it.. I love to decorate... But this is insane... So not looking forward to doing Kieron's room... Thank god.. my dad has to do some work first. That will have to wait for another time.

My parents will be here sunday.. I cant wait to see them.. it will be fun.. they wont be here long.. jsut coming for Kieron last JR high middle school game and then leaving... Oh well.. at least they can do that now.

Well today as sucked.. big time... I didnt get the paint done... I thought I knew this person.... a friends.. and found out I dont really know them at all... They did a terrible thing... and then the trickle down effect has been terrible... It is bring out the worst in every one.

Ok.. so I think I got that out.. I really do... Well at least until tommorrow.

Remember when something seems like a good idea... Rethink it and rethink to make sure it is a good idea,

feels of I dont know

Today I have some very overwhelming feeling... for a lot of reason... have you seen all the tragies in our teens today.... All these younge children committing suicide to think they will feel better...
I have 4 children of my own... One will be 14 in March... and Im very worried... We talked and talked and talked... but as I read story after story... I see that a lot of other parents have talked as well. Im worried, scared, and fustrated that we as parents have not taught our children how to love.... Hate is so ugly unnecissary and its time as parents that we stand up and start teaching our children to love and to stand up for them selves..

First thing please tell them that there is nothing that will ruin their life forever..... NOTHING.
Second please tell them that they are loved by many.. but mostly GOD... and that nothing matters..

Things happen for reason, its all part of the big plan, your big plan, our big plan... They are what GOD wants to make you, you... These little trials are temperary and if you ride out the storm.... a Blessing is sure to follow.

Third lets make sure that our children know that if they are struggling that they know that there are people out there to talk to... to help them work through the issue..... Most issues are short.... they dont last long... Kinda like when your a younge children and you cry over what... you dont remember in the end...

Fourth dont be mean treat all people like fraggile baby bunnies, if you play with handle with care, love and gentleness... People are fraggile and easly broken...

PS I love children... and Will find a way to have this conversation with them...... WIll you???

Still no answer

Well its been almost a week since I posted my question, my prayer... and I still have no answer... I know the Lord work, when he chooses to work... Im holding on.... Im waiting.. but I really need answers.. I need them.. What is my purpose?

I did some experiment this past week... I made some cupcakes and they were good... lots of people liked them......Im thinking...seriously I might wanna start a cupcake business.

I just wanna earn an extra $1000 a month is that 2 much to ask..... an axtra $1000.
That will pay for braces, allow for healthier food, put some parts on the car... and put some money in saving....

Thank you Lord for the blessing you have giving us already... just remember what our needs are.

Sunday

Well yep... heres the first sunday of the month.... Oh how I feel depressed month after month... I sit empty inside.... Not really empty... I just feel lost... I need to find my passion...What I want to spend the rest of my life doing... Honestly I think Im going through a midlife crisis... Not the kind where you start picking up strange men and sleeping with them, not the kind that makes you want to leave your family.... The kind where you are not happy with your life because you dont feel like you have done anything statisfy with it.... I honestly have no accomplishments in my life... None, nothing....
So my question today is??????? What is my purpose in life????? Why did God choose me to be unaccomplished, unfulfilled, and unhappy???? Why did GOD choose me to do nothing with my life???? WHat is Gods plan for my life???

Yes Im a mother of 4 beautiful children.... but that cant be my only purpose?? So what is the purpose of my life??? What is GOD's plan???

Now that, that is out... how do find the answers to my question??? Yeah I know pray... I have been praying... maybe Im not hearing... which is possible.. But I new clear answer... I cant read bewteen the lines... Set them out in a clean fashion.... Give me my answers...

Dear Father;
I come to you to ask you for your help... Im lost... I need help... I feel you are not listen to me... I feel like you are letting me down... I need to know that you are going to provide for us... you now our needs, please GOD almighty fill those needs.... I have personal needs... I ask you dear lord to show me the purpose of my life, Im lost lord... Im reaching for you Lord please pick me up and show me the way... In Christ name I pray..... Danetta

Decession Decessions

Well as I was trying to sleep this morning and tossing and turning; I decided that I need to blog... For alot of reason... Mostly my own. I need to do this everyday to get some things figured out... I really am having a hard time dealing with thing....1. we ended up not be able to do Kieron's room right now, this is my dream to get his room done for him... I need about $1,000 to do it with...so I know me having some kind of income is very important now. I need about $200 to $300 a week, not much, yeah right...
I found a a job that was about 2weeks long, it was suppose to turn into part-time office help a couple of days a week.... But they decided that they didnt need to do that... Oh bummer...
I applied at a couple of other places in town.. but guess what... they dont hire people with degrees around here, scary thought right there... The one job actually hired the office managers best friend, really.. another job around hired a close friend to some one else also... I basicly was handed a job at one of the convience store with the intention of becoming the assitant manager.... I would love to, but with Wills schedule so crazy come spring time, we both dont think its fair to the kids.
I mean he only gets sundays off, and I think family time is very important.... He works half a day on saturdays, so I really dont want to work saturdays at all...
Here is what I decided after working 2 full weeks as the inventory girl, hard work, I learned alot... But here is what I want in a job,,
1. Part-time, like T,W,Th
2. from like 8-3pm
3. for $9.00 an hour or more
4. I wanna work with the public some how
As far as what I wanna do.... I dont know... I really havent figured that out... I loved retail sales... loved it... I think I would love real estate, but that requires going back to school... insurnace.... well that requires you knowing alot of people... right now I dont.. and I dont want to travel! Education would be a great fit...but that would require me to go back to school, which I could...but that mean moeny.

So here is what I know.....I like to work with people, I want something family friendly, I want to be in a fun environment (meaning a company that is close knit, and understand having kids), yes they are out there.... I know that while helping out at Buckely steel, I loved helping Kim with his computer, why I dont know... but being able to help him figure out the CAD program was fun..... It felt great to help him get what he wanted.

Another option... going into business for myself, which I can do, as long as its little start up cost.. yeah know... very little..... Not sure what thought.... I mean what do I love to do, that I can do from home that would earn us money... HMMMMMMMMMM
1. baking, I love to bake... I have alot of people ask me to bring thing.... so thats an option.
2. Im trying daycare, but Im getting nothing.
3. Photography... I love it, but I dont have a good enoug camera and I cant afford one right now... I had one in high school and I spent so much time taking pictures, it was my escape... I wanted a better camera.. but my parnets were not the encourging type and if it wasnt sport, you werent getting it,
4. I could do marketing consultanting
5. Cleaning service
6. yard cleaning mowing/snow removal serice
7. I know a home party thing.. I have tried 3 all ready, but hey why not try again... I know more people now... and Im having requests for my uppercaseliving catalog, so maybe I need to go it again.... I need 2 have a couple big parties a year.... hat would be about $250 a party and so I would make about $750... couple more and I could have kierons room done.... or Christmas.
8. I would love to be an event planner/party planner or something like that.. I would love to get into grant writing... Not for profit would be great... that would require going back to school.

Time fore a pros and cons list... trust me I have run those through my head... hundreds of times...photography or baked goods would be my choice...but HOW!!

So I have laid out my wants in a job... now how easy is that going to be to get??? Its not going to be... in fact I dont see it happening...

I wanna do things... I have decided that life is to short.... After recently learning that a friend of mines brother passed away on sunday... He would have been 40 years old.... I want to be able to take my kids and do things with them.. vacation.. wrestling/football camps, rodeo camps, volleyball, the girls wanna take gymnastics, oh what fun they would have.... but thats an hour drive 1 way every monday.... but I need to have the money to do it.... I would like to go to some of the womens bible retreats, family camp, bible camp for the kids....
I know God hears my prayers, but I wonder why he doesnt answer them... I wonder why he blesses others more than he does me, jelousey yes!!! But it truely makes me wonder, why he makes one family struggle for everything and then hands the other family everything they want??? Boy do I have some issues to work on... I cant believe how childish that sounds... But they are true feelings, feelings that I need to work through...

There are things that we need, we need, not want, these are not wants... we truely need them... and we cant get them....
I will list the thinks that we need.....
1. I need to have dental work, I have 3 cavities that need fixed... they are getting so bad, that Im struggle to eat... maybe the reasoning to not be able to fix these teeth is I need to loss weight, maybe that is how God is answering this prayer... Lossing weight because I cant eat, because I have cavities...
2. We need a new car, or we will be walking to alll our childrens ball games, doctors offie, school function, to work, all over.. we will not be making trips to see the family... If we dont get a new car... then we NEED to find away to fix it... new engine, new tires, new doors, new windshield, new starter, new spark plugs, new fuel pump, new fuel filter, let me see, the list could go on here, but these are things we NEED for this car to stay running.
3. We need to be able to pay our bills
4. we need to be able to put food on the table
5. we need to be able to provide for our children.... CLothing, bday presents, christmas presents, and the basic needs for school... We need this... right now... its not happening.
6. Right now Kieron needs braces, its a $1000 down and $200 a month for 14 moths... where am I suppose to find that money...... THen its on to Rylee and Aubree and they are going to be expensive..... Rylee is going to be oh so scary.

I think that is about it for needs and yes they are all needs... as a Want is a new house, a want is name brand clothing, a want is wanting a new car and yes we want that, but we also need that.. our car is on its last leg...This move was suppose to be for the better... to better us... and while I think he is making for money in the end... we are still struggle day to day month to month....We are a closer family, a happier family with this move.... but the struggles are still there... guess you cant move away from that.....

I pray to God and give all my worries to him.... But If prayers are not being answered.... then I still have my worries, and I still have my concerns and I go back to thinking... WHY.... WHY is he not taking care of his children...It a process ya know... prayer, praise, worship, and then worry... I pray, praise, worship, and I think.... he will answer this time... and then nothing, we get nothing.... So I think worry again and again..... I hold on to it, decided I cant anymore... give it to him once again... and then it starts all over again. I mean I know he doesnt want to answer all my prayers at once.... I mean if he did why would I come back to him.... but he could just asnwer a couple at a time... So that i could have some testamony...

Ok ok... so I have ranted and ranted and wrote my struggles and wrote some deep thinking points this morning.... Im hoping that every morning.. I will have more to go on... But as I sit here... Im thinking that unless a prayer is answered.... there wont be a change to report....

So to all you out there.... pray, praise and worship...